Are You A True Fan? - An Investigative Report

Over the years, I have written several articles which outlined my opinion at the time of various Cowboys players as well as the team in general. Some of those articles were of a positive nature. Some weren't so positive. I'm one of those that calls a spade a spade and sometimes that doesn't go over well with some readers.

Some just ignore me. Some fire back a response which includes facts they believe prove my opinions are wrong. Others accuse me of being a hater, a Philly lover, a Redskins lover or other derogatory names. Some accuse me of not being a "true fan". This article is for that last group.

Being a wordsmith, my first reaction was to overwhelm them with an immediate response, but as I thought about it, I began to question whether I was indeed a "true fan". So I decided to find the definition of a "true fan". To say this was very enlightening doesn't do it justice.

My first discovery was that there is no centralized place on the internet that explains, leaving no chance for error, what a "true fan" is. Once this article is published, I suppose it will become the definitive resource that will answer once and for all the question about what is a "true fan".

First, I suppose I should explain what it was that caused me to do the research and eventually write this article. I had posted an article at cowboys central.com and received this response from SlickReBorn:

http://www.cowboyscentral.com/bb/showthread.php?t=23005&page=2

"Honestly those fans that only buy the merchandise and tickets when the Cowboys are winning aren't true fans anyways so who cares what they think? I remember when this team went 1-15. I wasn't ashamed to be a Cowboys fan then, and I aint now."

Now, for the record, I didn't feel like he was accusing me of not being a true fan. He had no data to base a claim I wasn't a true fan on anyway. He doesn't know if I have ever bought any tickets or merchandise ever in my life or if I own a museum of Cowboys merchandise I've purchased with the walls wallpapered with ticket stubs.

No, his statement just got me to thinking about what was required to be considered a "true fan". So, with no further adieu, let's learn exactly what a true fan is:

Actions & Practices

http://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2008/09/browns_welcome_test_against_co.html

“Happy NFL Opening weekend to you all, Browns win a shoot-out 34-31 over the Boys. Cowboy corners can't cover the Browns Wr's and a Dawson FG is the difference. DA continues to silence the BQ lovefest by throwing for 300 plus and 3 scores. See the true fans in the parking lot bright and early.

For the rest of you who don't believe the bandwagon is full and we aren't accepting new passengers.”

This was a blog response from someone predicting the Browns would beat the Cowboys in the first game of the 2008 season.

Since he was dead wrong on that, I don’t know how much credence to put in his statement that true fans would be in the parking lot bright and early. Others have intimated that true fans do get to the stadium early, though, so I included this one.

Actions & Practices

http://www.ultimateredskins.com/our-take-on-the-schedule/

“I believe that true fans of each team hate each other far more than any of the players hate anyone in the League.”

This is the opinion of some Redskins fan and isn’t a statement of known fact, so take it with a grain of salt. On the other hand, he’s a Redskins fan and we hate him. What could he know about it in the first place?

Actions & Practices

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F02E0DB1130F930A15752C0A9659C8B63&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

“In his 1994 novel ''Fever Pitch,'' Nick Hornby outlined the edifying effects of the male sports obsession. True fans, he wrote, ''become repressed, they fail in their relationships with women, their conversation is trivial and boorish, they find themselves unable to express their emotional needs, they cannot relate to their children, and they die alone and miserable. But, you know, what the hell?"”

Finally, someone who truly has a grasp on the subject!

Actions & Practices

http://blog.denverbroncos.com/jsaccomano/2007/10/17/rockies-parallel-1977-broncos/

“What is your definition of a fan? You bad mouth people who state their displeasure with the production of their team? In my opinion - your not a true fan for accepting this garbage that has been thrown on the field lately. A bad fan - or “bandwagon” fan - is someone who doesn’t even bother to boo or voice their displeasure when their team underachieves on a level that is embarrassing. They just get up and leave - and don’t come back until the team is good again. True fans voice their displeasure with mediocrity - and they show up the next week to watch them again. And if they play the way the Broncos have been lately - they boo even louder. But we always come back the next week.”

As you can see, true fans can voice their displeasure with an underachieving team. But they remain loyal.

Age & Longevity As A Fan

http://blog.dallascowboys.com/forums/t/35173.aspx

“I have been a 4 seat season ticket holder for 14 years. Now he wants me to pay $64,000 for the seat license plus the annual ticket price of $12,600 and parking about another $1,000.

FORGET IT!! Jones is successfully getting rid of the hard-working middle class die-hard fans to fill his own pockets. These are the people that have supported him for the last 15 years and he is pricing us out of the new stadium. Their goes our tailgating days.

Glad you're thinking of your TRUE fans Jerry. The only ones that can afford these prices are the corporate and the rich. Just people who want to attend games just for the notoriety, not because they are TRUE FANS.

Thanks Jerry, for alienating your true fans. We'll now be watching on TV. I really despise you now,Jerry Jones.”

True fans can and do get angry at Jerry Jones. (True Cowboys fans do, anyway.)

Age & Longevity As A Fan

http://www.bearsgab.com/2008/07/08/dead-end-ahead-road-to-super-bowl-blocked-by-lack-of-offense/

“So called fans like you are a joke! The only dead end is the blood flowing to your brain! It is fair weather fans like you we can do without! With so called fans like you,who needs enemies!

The sky is always falling in your mind.The glass is always half empty.Why do you even bother,if everything is so bad? Your a joke, that does not understand the game of football or the Financial end of it.Thank god you are not making the decisions!

I have been a die hard bear fan for 38 years.You have no clue what a true fan is all about.True fans support their teams.True fans dont talk smack about their team or back stab their players.True fans are there win or lose.You are probably too young to understand what a true fan is.You only support when the going is good.No team stays on top all the time,get a clue.

TRUE BEAR FANS ARE PROUD & BLEED BLUE!! You probably are too young to even know what bleeding blue is! The true die hard Bear fans know what i am talking about. We need fans who support our team,not dig for negativities constantly! You should join the packers or Cowboys,if you dont like what the bears bring on sundays.

Your opinions are idiotic,& us true fans dont care.Send your opinions to Mariotti,Die hard bear fans dont care to hear it.True fans start out each year with hope,not despair.The games havent even been played yet!! If you dont enjoy being a fan,your not a fan. Be a Fan or be Gone !!!! GO BEARS!!! YOUR TRUE FANS BELIEVE,& WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!!”

I debated on adding this to my article, but there’s just so much in there that helps to show us what a “true fan” is. It’s difficult to ascertain exactly what he’s talking about, between the misspellings/poor grammar (which is apparently approved for true fan usage) and the absolute beligerence coming from the writer.

I believe he’s upset because someone said something negative about the Chicago Bears and the writer took exceptional offense to anyone saying something bad about the Bears.

Apparently, it doesn’t matter whether what was said negatively is the truth or not, only that it was said.

Age & Longevity As A Fan

http://12thmanrising.com/2008/07/20/keeping-it-real/

“This brings me to the purpose of this piece. I want to finally lay down the law on what constitutes a true fan. Nothing pisses me off more than meeting someone who tells me that they are Cowboy fan, “Because I’ve always just liked them.” What the hell is that all about? What they mean to say is that, “During the 90’s when they were really good, I decided to hitch my wagon to a winner and it felt so good rooting for all of those Super Bowls that I decided to stick around.”

I know, total crap right? As we all know, it was easy rooting for the Cowboys when they were running rough shot through the league. Who didn’t enjoy the show when the triplets dominated the NFC? But “fans” like this are missing the essence of being a fan.

Bottom line, the best part of being a fan is being able to celebrate when success finally shines upon your squad. When you were in the stands watching that 2-14 season, that Super Bowl victory is so much sweeter (I image…remember this is a Seahawks blog.)

When you jump from team to team because it just happens to be their turn in the winners circle defeats the entire purpose of being a fan. It isn’t rocket science to determine which team you should root for.

As a matter of fact it can be determined this easily. Either your ass lives in the state, has lived in the state, or one of your immediate relatives are from the state. Case closed”

This is another site that wasn’t specifically a Cowboys site, but they discuss the Cowboys in particular and fanhood. I personally object to him laying the law down regarding what a true fan is without proving he has the authority to do so. This tirade is his opinion and nothing more, apparently.

He also discusses longevity as a fan and claims one cannot be a true fan if one hasn’t paid one’s dues by supporting the team through the hard times. Only supporting a team when they become winners makes you a “fairweather fan”, which is another whole study and goes beyond the scope of this article.

Age & Longevity As A Fan

http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Dallas-Cowboys-Comforter-and-Sheet-Set-Twin/2659963/product.html

“True fans start young and you can support them with this FANtastic comforter set Ideal for the Cowboys fan in your life, the set includes comforter, flat sheet, fitted sheet and two pillowcases (one in twin set)”

A mere $49.99, however those desiring to support the "true fan" in their life will have to wait because they are out of stock.

Clothing & Dress

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/35952-nfl-fans-support-your-team

“A fan of a less than successful team doesn't necessarily hate on the teams that win, but it doesn't mean that we necessarily like them either. I am an Eagles fan living in Atlanta, which is ok since there are very few real Falcon's fans.

I just wanted to comment that I am indeed a Cowboys hater, primarily because they are division rivals. Obviously the Eagles-Cowboys rivalry has been a big part of the lives of true fans of either of these teams.

What I find the most irritating are the "fans" that claim loyalty to a team that

A) Have no connection to the team or city (primarily bandwagoners)

B) "Fans" that can't name any player on the offensive or defensive line and doesn't even know who the coaches are

C) "Fans" that sport the "in" jersey but yet know nothing about the player they have on their back.

Of course, some could make the arguement that an exception could be made in certain situations- for example, my girlfriend is in possession of my Brian Westbrook jersey however knows only that he is #36, a running back, and had the most yards from scrimmage in the league last year (because I've drilled it into her). In this situation, I am ok with the jersey-wearer not being informed however these girls (or guys in some rare instances) should not call themselves fans until they have demonstrated knowledge of the game, the position of the player and the name of his back-up, the college the player attended, what round they went in the draft (or from what team they were aquired from in free agency), and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.”

So, regular fans must know these things before they can call themselves a “fan”.Some sort of “connection” to the city the team is from is also apparently necessary. Apparently, some knowledge of the coaches is necessary. Presumably, a “true fan” would have a much deeper knowledge of the game and the players than an ordinary fan..

Clothing & Dress

http://search.neckties.com/search.aspx?Action=11&Grid=0&SH=QT1EYWxsYXMgQ293Ym95cyB_Qj1EYWxsYXMgQ293Ym95cyB_RD0xMn5JPVByaWNlfks9NH5MPTF_TT0xfg&SI=95884560-f898-45d2-8927-f417ac607715

“NFL Dallas Cowboys Grid black polyester ties.

There are the fair weather fans and then there are the true fans. Those diehard fans that journey out to New Cowboys Stadium every Sunday, rain or shine. This necktie is for the diehards. Featured within is a detailed patter of Dallas Cowboys logos set atop a rich woven black background. With silks and design as fine and sharp as Cowboys fans, this necktie is a necessity for any who call themselves a true Cowboys fan. Don't be caught without it come game day!”

True fans journey out to New Cowboys Stadium every Sunday, regardless of weather and it is necessary that they wear this necktie.

Clothing & Dress

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

True fans often dress or paint themselves in the team colors of Royal Blue and Metallic Silver.

I looked at Cowboys jerseys this evening. They were on sale for $69.99.

Clothing & Dress

http://www.stylefeeder.com/i/9nm5qh14/Dallas-Cowboys-Star-Toe-Ring-Solid-Sterling-Silver

“Show Your Team Spirit with this Officially Licensed high quality product. Logo Art manufactures the broadest and most elegant collection of collegiate and sports licensed jewelry products. Constructed using metal molds and injected plastic patterns to give repeatable and highly detailed castings. Then, each piece is hand filed and polished to give it a handsome finish. A must have for all true Fans. Most products are available in 14k & 10k gold and sterling silver.”

OK, for those that didn’t click on the link above, this is a Dallas Cowboys Toe Ring. “A must have for all true Fans.” Don’t blame me. I didn’t write it.

Geography

http://12thmanrising.com/2008/07/20/keeping-it-real/

“This brings me to the purpose of this piece. I want to finally lay down the law on what constitutes a true fan. Nothing pisses me off more than meeting someone who tells me that they are Cowboy fan, “Because I’ve always just liked them.” What the hell is that all about?

What they mean to say is that, “During the 90’s when they were really good, I decided to hitch my wagon to a winner and it felt so good rooting for all of those Super Bowls that I decided to stick around.”

I know, total crap right? As we all know, it was easy rooting for the Cowboys when they were running rough shot through the league. Who didn’t enjoy the show when the triplets dominated the NFC? But “fans” like this are missing the essence of being a fan.

Bottom line, the best part of being a fan is being able to celebrate when success finally shines upon your squad. When you were in the stands watching that 2-14 season, that Super Bowl victory is so much sweeter (I image…remember this is a Seahawks blog.)

When you jump from team to team because it just happens to be their turn in the winners circle defeats the entire purpose of being a fan.

It isn’t rocket science to determine which team you should root for. As a matter of fact it can be determined this easily. Either your ass lives in the state, has lived in the state, or one of your immediate relatives are from the state. Case closed”

This is another site that wasn’t specifically a Cowboys site, but they discuss the Cowboys in particular and fanhood. I personally object to him laying the law down regarding what a true fan is without proving he has the authority to do so. This tirade is his opinion, apparently.

I left this part in my article because he does show that geography has a large part to your qualifications as a true fan. Apparently, to be a true fan, one must live in the state currently, must have lived in the state in the past or have immediate relatives that are from the state, in order for you to qualify to be a fan of a particular team.

If you have never lived in Texas, do not live in Texas currently, and do not have immediate family from Texas, you do not qualify as a true fan. As he said “Case closed”.

Geography

http://www.yardbarker.com/nfl/articles/BEST_FANS_IN_FOOTBALLwho_tops_the_list_you_ask/301618

“This fan base, which was really a bunch of band wagon jumpers during the Aikman-Irvin-Emmitt dynasty, apparently has transformed into die-hards. With fans in every city, "America's Team" is wildly popular. Simpletons flock to the star and seem to be enamored with it. Of course, the rules about cheering for a team you have no connection with is still a violation.”

A violation of what? I presume he’s referring to this generally held belief that a fan must have a “connection” to the team they claim to be a fan of or they’re violating some cosmic standard rule of applied physics.

Knowledge

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/35952-nfl-fans-support-your-team

“A fan of a less than successful team doesn't necessarily hate on the teams that win, but it doesn't mean that we necessarily like them either. I am an Eagles fan living in Atlanta, which is ok since there are very few real Falcon's fans.

I just wanted to comment that I am indeed a Cowboys hater, primarily because they are division rivals. Obviously the Eagles-Cowboys rivalry has been a big part of the lives of true fans of either of these teams.

What I find the most irritating are the "fans" that claim loyalty to a team that

A) Have no connection to the team or city (primarily bandwagoners)

B) "Fans" that can't name any player on the offensive or defensive line and doesn't even know who the coaches are

C) "Fans" that sport the "in" jersey but yet know nothing about the player they have on their back. Of course, some could make the arguement that an exception could be made in certain situations- for example, my girlfriend is in possession of my Brian Westbrook jersey however knows only that he is #36, a running back, and had the most yards from scrimmage in the league last year (because I've drilled it into her).

In this situation, I am ok with the jersey-wearer not being informed however these girls (or guys in some rare instances) should not call themselves fans until they have demonstrated knowledge of the game, the position of the player and the name of his back-up, the college the player attended, what round they went in the draft (or from what team they were aquired from in free agency), and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.”

So, regular fans must know these things before they can call themselves a “fan”.Some sort of “connection” to the city the team is from is also apparently necessary. Apparently, some knowledge of the coaches is necessary. Presumably, a “true fan” would have a much deeper knowledge of the game and the players.

Loyalty

http://www.topix.com/forum/source/newsday/T4B2TP5S3LE9QEANG

“Dallas won both games os to say we'll win is kind of crazy I agree. But we do have a shot at this stage those other two games don't matter. The 91 before this don't. This is the biggest game in this rivalries history. Eli has taken a step back but the Giants running games is better than the Cowboys.

Eli also ranks in the top ten in most categories(sufficient)in an overall down year for qb's not named Brady,Favre and Romo or P.Manning.

All true fans and or pundints know the Cowboys secondary is suspect and that their running game isn't all its cracked up to be. Lets not pretend that the Giants don't have an excellent front seven(led the league in sacks), as well. Like I said we lost twice so its tough to be cocky, but I know we are a live underdog.”

I gave the Eagles and Redskins fans a presence in this article. I might as well let the Giants fans run their mouth, too. I would point out that this person puts “true fans” and “pundits” into the same classification. There must be a hidden meaning there somewhere.

Loyalty

http://www.sportsfilter.com/news/9144/most-popular-nfl-teams-order-cowboys

“I don't think steelerbroad meant that those teams are the only ones with "true fans". Of course other teams have true fans. I think she means that a large percentage of the fanbase in those cities are not fairweather fans. Those 3 teams will always be near the top of these type of polls.”

Other teams can have “true fans” also.

Loyalty

http://lonestarstruck.com/blog1/2008/03/pacman_to_the_cowboys_oh_no_sa.htm

“I love my Cowboys as all other true fans do.”

No comment is necessary to this.

Loyalty

http://www.bearsgab.com/2008/07/08/dead-end-ahead-road-to-super-bowl-blocked-by-lack-of-offense/

“So called fans like you are a joke! The only dead end is the blood flowing to your brain! It is fair weather fans like you we can do without! With so called fans like you,who needs enemies!

The sky is always falling in your mind. The glass is always half empty.Why do you even bother,if everything is so bad? Your a joke, that does not understand the game of football or the Financial end of it.Thank god you are not making the decisions!

I have been a die hard bear fan for 38 years.You have no clue what a true fan is all about.True fans support their teams.True fans dont talk smack about their team or back stab their players.True fans are there win or lose.You are probably too young to understand what a true fan is.You only support when the going is good.

No team stays on top all the time,get a clue.TRUE BEAR FANS ARE PROUD & BLEED BLUE!! You probably are too young to even know what bleeding blue is! The true die hard Bear fans know what i am talking about.

We need fans who support our team,not dig for negativities constantly! You should join the packers or Cowboys,if you dont like what the bears bring on sundays.Your opinions are idiotic,& us true fans dont care.

Send your opinions to Mariotti,Die hard bear fans dont care to hear it.True fans start out each year with hope,not despair.The games havent even been played yet!! If you dont enjoy being a fan,your not a fan. Be a Fan or be Gone !!!! GO BEARS!!! YOUR TRUE FANS BELIEVE,& WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!!”

I debated on adding this to my article, but there’s just so much in there that helps to show us what a “true fan” is. It’s difficult to ascertain exactly what he’s talking about, between the misspellings/poor grammar (which is apparently approved for true fan usage) and the absolute beligerence coming from the writer.

Apparently youths cannot be true fans either, nor could they have any knowledge about the team or its true fans.

Loyalty

http://www.igglesblog.com/iggles_blog/2008/09/a-must-win-game.html

“The team itself also seems raaaaaaather confident as well. (I covered this in detail a few weeks ago. I'm not nauseating myself by doing it again.) It's as if that whole organization, the local media ("Dallas Cowboys' greatest obstacles are history, high expectations"), its true fans, and all those wannabe front-runners across the nation believe Dallas' appearance in the NFC Championship Game is simply a matter of scheduling ("That third Sunday of January good for you?") rather that a goal to be achieved.”

I threw this in just because it’s an Eagles fan writing it. I wonder if he’s feeling any different after last Monday’s game.

Loyalty

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

"True fans bleed Blue and Silver."

If they do, they need medical attention, quickly.

Loyalty

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

"True fans have the audacity to claim that the hole in the roof of their stadium is there so that God could watch His team."

Apparently, Jerry Jones believes this also. He's putting in a new hole in the room (although this one can be closed) hoping God comes back after a dozen years of no playoff wins.

Loyalty

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443


"True fans like to shout the phrase made famous by former head coach Jimmy Johnson, 'How 'bout them Cowboys!"

Everyone knows it's "dem Cowboys!", not "them Cowboys!".

Loyalty

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

"True fans love their mascot."

Personally, I miss Whistling Ray.

Loyalty

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

"True fans refer to the Cowboys as 'America's Team'."

Well, duhh!!!

Loyalty

http://www.totalcowboys.addr.com/nfceastrankings2000.htm

“True fans will follow the season and watch Emmitt Smith run his way into NFL history.”

Presumably, this only pertains to true fans who were around when Emmitt Smith was still playing for the Cowboys and they are no longer required to follow that season or watch Emmitt Smith run any longer.

Hopefully, today’s true fans are not required to watch Emmitt Smith run his mouth as an announcer. There is a constitutional right against cruel and inhuman punishment, afterall.

Loyalty

http://www.nydailynews.com/forums/thread.jspa?threadID=34846

“What a shame... we were so close to cutting Manning's dead weight last year and he was booed at home more than he was cheered and now the fairweather fans love him because of a hail mary. I guess it's just football fans these days, hardly any true fans who actually stick to their convictions even if the truth is right there to see.”

This not a Cowboys-specific posting, but it does show us that true fans actually stick to their convictions, even if the truth is slapping them in the face.

Loyalty

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080411005801AA1Upuc

"When asked why you like the team you like, true fans will say: “ it's not the wins or losses that matter dont get me wrong its very important BUT its all about the team you have been loyal to forever no matter what the record be!!!”

Miscellaneous

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

"True fans are sometimes distracted by team cheerleaders who are as famous as the team."

Double Duhh!!!!!

Other Purchases

http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Dallas-Cowboys-Comforter-and-Sheet-Set-Twin/2659963/product.html


“True fans start young and you can support them with this FANtastic comforter set Ideal for the Cowboys fan in your life, the set includes comforter, flat sheet, fitted sheet and two pillowcases (one in twin set)”

A mere $49.99, however those desiring to support the "true fan" in their life will have to wait because they are out of stock.

Other Purchases

http://www.american-flag.com/content/Car_Flags.htm

“Where and when the car flag became so trendy is debatable. Waving flags at sporting events goes back many years and is a part of the soccer culture in Europe and South America. But tailgating is the quintessential American way to party and proudly waving the standards of the New York Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, Jeff Gordon's # 24 and the LSU Tigers is paramount to identifying yourself as a true fan.”

This is how you can identify yourself as a true fan. Stick a Dallas Cowboys car flag on your vehicle.

Loyalty

http://www.amiannoying.com/(S(craik155hhs4vl45mnpr1355))/view.aspx?id=9009&collection=1443

"True fans root for their team."

That's like saying "Colonel Sanders liked fried chicken!"

Spelling & Grammar

http://cowboysblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/05/observing-the-dallas-cowboys-otas.html

“Its guys that feel the need to correct a guy doing a fun gig for Cowboy fans that validates all the sheeottt I have fed "Cow-Girl" fans over the past 4 months - what effen losers!!! Why do you think that we have no access from either the players and/or the media? It's BC of a-holes that nit-pick!!!!!!! JC this is not rocket science it is football and I want to see inside of it as much as possible!!!!! But cocker-blockers like the "Proper English Grammar Guys", who will be obsolete down the road soon, keep effen it up! Congrats - we have no new info BC of you guys! Go away and let us true fans try to figure out the game with assistance from the people who in the future would not be afraid to give it w/out repercussions from the grammar police!!! Go back and read Chaucer and Yeats and Poe if you want the proper English and meter!”

True fans get somewhat upset when their grammar is corrected.

So, there you have it. Everything you need to know to determine whether you're a "true fan" or not. I found all this information right there on the internet, so we all know it must be true.

Now, to review the criteria one must meet to qualify as a "true fan, here's the list:

True fans do get to the stadium early.

True fans of each team hate each other far more than any of the players hate anyone in the League.

True fans become repressed, they fail in their relationships with women, their conversation is trivial and boorish, they find themselves unable to express their emotional needs, they cannot relate to their children, and they die alone and miserable.

True fans can voice their displeasure with an underachieving team. But they remain loyal.

True fans can and do get angry at Jerry Jones.

True fans don't care whether what was said negatively is the truth or not, only that it was said. And they don't like it.

True fans have paid their dues by supporting the team through the hard times.

True fans start young.

True fans have a "connection" with the geographic area where their team resides.

True fans journey out to New Cowboys Stadium every Sunday, regardless of weather and it is necessary that they wear this necktie.

True fans often dress or paint themselves in the team colors of Royal Blue and Metallic Silver.

True fans have and wear a Dallas Cowboys Toe Ring.

True fans must live in the state currently, must have lived in the state in the past or have immediate relatives that are from the state their favorite team resides in, in order for them to qualify to be a true fan of a particular team.

True fans may make misspellings and grammar mistakes at will and without repurcussion.

Youths cannot be true, nor could they have any knowledge about the team or its true fans.

True fans can lie without penalty about bleeding silver and blue.

True fans claim that the hole in the roof of their stadium is there so that God could watch His team.

True fans like to shout the phrase made famous by former head coach Jimmy Johnson, 'How 'bout them Cowboys!

True fans love their mascot.

True fans refer to the Cowboys as 'America's Team'.

True fans are confused about whether to watch Emmitt or not.

True fans actually stick to their convictions, even if the truth is slapping them in the face.

True fans are sometimes distracted by team cheerleaders who are as famous as the team.

True fans have a Dallas Cowboys flag on their vehicle.

True fans root for their team.

True fans get somewhat upset when their grammar is corrected.

Now, if I get in the mood at some point, I'll investigate what a "hater", a "real fan", a "bandwagoner" and a "so-called fan" is.